I think it’s probably obvious that my life has been out of balance since I haven’t blogged about anything in weeks! Honestly, I struggled with myself the past two weeks with depression and the feeling of being discouraged were both hard to deal with (a separate entry for this). I’m much better now although I am still working on gaining ‘balance’ with what I feel about the things I can and cannot control AND distinguishing which are those things.
After 2 weeks of tension and low spirits, I’ve decided to take control on the things—specifically tangible things—which I can improve on and one of them is my blog. Taking on this challenge of improving my blog made me realize I’ve become too resigned on the idea of ‘maintaining’ it and not on ‘improving’ it. Extending a bit of organization, extra effort, attention (especially on editing my contents—yikes!) and time on my digital home here in the blogosphere is a good place to start of taking responsibility of now.
My sidebar has been de-cluttered, added an ‘About Me’ page and changed the header. I’m actually fond of this layout since it’s easy on the eyes, the customization is a no-brainer and it doesn’t distract you from the contents. I’ve also changed my blog title from Girl Anachronism to Harder, Faster, Forever, After. This is from “Bionic” a song from Placebo, one of my favorite bands that I grew up listening to and their songs were practically on repeat every waking hour of my early teen years. Rediscovering songs sometimes make you realize the things you’ve forgotten along the way and that particular line echoed the mantra I’ve decided upon long ago and forgotten somehow, that I’ve decided to live every moment with terrible intensity. Clearly, I’ve caught myself in a tangle and perhaps unconsciously lived with and depended on defensive mechanisms and cliched facades for quite some time. Everything is not going to be straight and alright all at once, but I am willing to learn and feel more free once I shed off a false, provisional part of me that’s stifling. Working harder is not enough, I’ve realized but I also need to work smarter (that’s the tough part). Long process I think but at the end I want to become just acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted, learn from it and find my sense of balance again.
Cheers for today!