My sleep and dream patterns are erratic and I rarely dream these days. Whenever I do dream, it’s a luxury that I’ve always enjoyed and I don’t understand how I’ve been getting by with dreamless sleep for so long. Growing up I’ve always had extravagant and vivid dreams usually marked by continual, fantastic and terrible situations. And now I rarely have those and I miss them! Growing up, perhaps?
Today, I dreamt and participated in an exhausting adventure and I woke with the impression that I had slept for hours although it seems like only a bit more than 30 minutes. I like it that way and felt like once I slept, I’m immediately strapped in an origami shaped vehicle and I’m transported light-years away from reality to the little-but-infinite-world in my head.
This could be classified as random drivel but let me indulge in it because it was so amusing. I mean, were talking about the cast of The Dark Knight Rises and time traveling.
Scene: a grander version of the SM MOA arena filled with people and the spectacle in the middle had something to do with sports. I vaguely remember a tennis match going on one side then fencing on the other (the Olympics perhaps?). My companion was J and he was telling me that it was great that we got a special pass and we could sit anywhere we wanted. “Why don’t we sit in the GA area?” I asked while we made our way through the crowd and I remembered how the seats were comfortable and how steep that area of the arena was. You got a pretty good view and practically isolated from the overly enthusiastic crowd of whatever what was happening (I can’t remember). He said it was better to sit in the lower boxes since we get to be near the “court” and we get to be closer to the players and I could just imagine him gawking at their attractive sporty features, my happy gay friend. Fine, I said and we sat comfortably at what we’ll call the “patron” seats and he cheered while I munched some popcorn.
J was telling me that the cast of The Dark Knight Rises (yes, yes, I know) was in the country for some extended promotion of the movie in Asia and no one knows where they’re staying and they haven’t done a public appearance yet. I think I talked about how I loved the movie and wishing P could meet his heroes as well or something like that.
Something made me look back to scan the GA area, which still had plenty of unfilled seats. Then I noticed a man, who looks like he’s comfortably watching and kept to himself. Non-descript clothing: a black beanie, brown leather jacket over a gray sweater. And then he lifted up his face and laughed aloud and that’s when I recognized him. Holy shit, it was Tom Hardy! Suddenly he looks to his right and smiles at another man coming towards him with 2 large drinks in hand. They say something to each other and the man wearing an oversized cornflower blue hoodie sat down beside Tom and handed him a drink. Unmistakable wispy brown hair framed his angular face with a few strands falling over his cold light blue eyes. I’d know who Cillian Murphy is from miles away!
After recognizing the both of them, I think J and I had a long conversation while I pointed at them and I had to keep my voice down so other people won’t know they’re here. J agreed that I definitely should come up to them without asking for an autograph but rather just a handshake while I poured my heartfelt thanks and admiration about how they we’re both brilliant in Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises. Talk about delusional but I DO want to do that if ever I met those actors I look up to! “Hey I just want to say thank you! You’re phenomenal and talented individual and I get to experience quality films with such characters because of you!” I know they get that a lot but just the act of saying those words! Agh!
The next thing I know I was charging at two of P’s high school buddies seated somewhere in the patron area. I’m not sure what the basis of this is, but I was really being aggressive at them asking them questions on why don’t they think I’m good for P. It’s absurd I know but I remember it clearly while I wrung the neck of their shirts with my small clenched hands and probably looking a little crazy with a seething hard edged emotion underneath my skin. And they we’re like:
“You’re crazy, a bit irresponsible I mean… you don’t even have a proper job!” (MY SUBCONSCIOUS, SHUT UP!) I was practically firing so many questions at them that I don’t remember and I was asking for it like I wanted them to say something that will hit me, hit me, hit me in the face. P came and told me to break it up and pulled me to one side to calm me down. Don’t remember much of what he said except that he loves me this way and doesn’t want to change anything, no matter how crazy I could get sometimes.
The next thing I know, P and I were trying to get past the guards and staff that were blocking the paths to get to the GA area. By some form of trickery that I don’t really remember, we get there and we were surprised by an all too familiar face greeting us at once, wearing a baseball cap: Christian Bale. I mean, WTF is going on?!
And beside him, ah, well… Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s smile could just light up the whole place. He was wearing a graphic shirt and plain jeans and waved at us “Hi guys! Great! Don’t know how you managed to do it, but here you are meeting us!” Christian (smirking): “We just don’t want other people to know. Congratulations tricking the guards! Nice to meet fans!” EXACT WORDS, OMG.
P and I took a photo with the four of them and I managed to upload them to my Twitter, where we were constantly hounded by other fans all over the world that were envious we get to have a photo with the powerhouse of TDKR. Wow, I mean, talk about absurd fantasies. But that was really nice you know? An absurd thrill you’re only entitled to feel in dreams and it’s just fun thinking about it when you wake up.
I’d like to think that our photo with Christian Bale, Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Cillian Murphy is safely tucked in Lucien’s Library in the Dreaming, where all of our unconscious, imaginings, stories and dream things go after we wake.
The second one is more fragmented than the other and I tried to mentally probe the leftover fragments to get more details. It’s not as raw as when I woke up with a jolt but the after-feelings are still there.
P and I were hanging out in Greenhills talking about Arkham City then the floor felt like it gave away. The feeling that my body was gradually relaxing and my senses dulling was too vivid then I felt like I was sliding down an incline and shut my eyes. When I opened them I thought I was really awake but I was still dreaming. The place looked like a hallway of an old school building and it was crowded by students wearing my college uniform. There was a calendar marked August 2008—back to second year of college. Then I saw P and he looks like the way he did years ago when we were completely oblivious to one another since we weren’t classmates then. I remember going to some office asking if there was anyone of with my name enrolled this school year. No they didn’t and didn’t have a student enrolled named R last school year as well. In this world, I didn’t exist. Time and space collapsed—clock time lost its meaning and I traveled so far.
I felt for P the same way I do now and I liked him so much and wanted to touch him. But he doesn’t know me. He was coming to class and I trailed behind him and noticed how the hallways resembled the 2nd floor building of my high school. They were all curious of me—I saw my classmates who didn’t know me and I lied that I was a student transfer from a foreign country. They let me sit at the back behind P and we ended up talking the way we do now. At this time (also a fact) P was still together with his ex and were classmates. The conversation suddenly turned into a heated insult competition when she began to be territorial.
I didn’t exist there and I was cocky; I didn’t care. I was felt like a gnarly teenager, feeling incredibly high and careless. I felt like a knife and words began to shoot out of my mouth like I needed to kill her with them.
We are quite the opposite really. I’m black, grey, navy blue while she’s pink, fuchsia and lilac. She’s a breath of fresh air while I’m the smoky atmosphere of a concert ground.
After a few more fragmented series of events that seemed like I won against her, made scenes and became known in this school as the girl constantly on flux, wild, careless and a freak. Then I think I was transported again… I’m not sure. Next thing I know I was walking towards the school library in another part of the campus—red bricks, pale yellow doors.
I knew this library from my dreams and saw the nuns reading books with some faculty members. Ah, the study area with the brown tables and dividers to give a sense of privacy. No one noticed me walk and explore my old high school library and I genuinely felt like an opaque apparition that really didn’t belong there. Finally I was reaching the end of the library complex to another study area which was particularly cold due to the air conditioner. And there he was, sleeping on the desk.
L.M and STFN all at once, the archetype that I tried to replicate in others which result to doomed relationships (except with P of course; P broke the pattern). There was an ancient copy of Cather in the Rye left on the table to his right and I sat there browsing through the pages. That feeling of wishing to be young again, back to 7 years ago, was overwhelming and that familiar hollowness. He woke up realizing someone was near him and looked back at me and smiled like before; I felt like a kid again. “So Ms. R—, I understand you have made quite an impression with the school” he begins and I notice how young he looks, how thin he is wearing that barong. “You know me?” “Oh, I remember you” he smiles and shakes my hand (unsure to express himself, chalk dust on the fingers, nothing changed). “What are you reading now?” that same question like every time I brave the corridors to ask him for books.
I wake up.
The Pooh Bear that Christopher Robin outgrew and I’ve never been happier.