I think I need a transition of some sort. Though I’m not sure exactly what but I need something definite that would help me establish myself this year because I’m feeling a little washed up for some reason like nothing is happening yet for me. I need new things and by things I don’t necessarily mean it’s strictly material or an object. I get bored, sometimes I shrink back and find myself in the muck of ennui on some days (I’m glad on most days I’m more lucid—mostly because of my boyfriend and school) and like I’ve said before, you can be in the middle but it’s always exhausting to ricochet between two poles of the mind state. The coming of the New Year made me realize I want to be so much more than this so… I mentally saw myself doing new things that I think make me miss out on life.
Singing – Wow, this is just so beyond me. I have a secret admiration for those who have a nice voice, can sing pretty good and actually get it right and the whole combination of it has an impact on me. It just moves me sometimes how people can sing pretty well especially the kind of songs I like. People with the voice are pretty gifted and much to my dismay, despite the huge music lover that I am, I am not gifted nor given a good ear to listen and tell the difference between this tune and that. I have a huge appreciation for my close friends who do covers (Hello~! Popsmear ♥ ). They may not be the best of the best but it makes my insides quiver whenever I hear them and see them perform. We used to do random songs together and used to have a little game that instead of speaking, you sing the sentences out or just give what you want to say a tune. I always, always have the lamest way of doing it. It’s not something I dwell upon though… but I would really like to get it right one day. The karaoke machines pity me so much.
Riding the bike – I know, I’m 20 years old and I still haven’t learned how to ride a bike. But this I want and I need to do because I seriously feel really lame not knowing a simple skill such as that. With swimming, I can live with not knowing how to because for some reason I have no natural buoyancy and it’s not something I’d usually do. But with biking, I can do it all year round, at any given day. And that’s exercise too! I’d like to be more proactive this year and feel my endorphins contributing to my active life. I need to stock up on energy and get fit.
Water – I’m going back to my strictly no-sodas-diet for good. I tried it earlier this year and it did wonders for my skin because I feel less acidic and I feel a lot saner without any caffeine. I never cared for coffee anyway.
Planner Upkeep – I’ve maintained a planner back in highschool because the school planner came free each time you enrolled and it was a pretty helpful way to train us to be organized from the start. Then I kept random notebooks where to jot things down earlier in college but never kept a planner since then. But now I have one for 2011 and my habits on keeping it are coming along, albeit slowly. I kept one last year but there were obviously lags and I rarely check it. I write everything down but then I’d promptly forget some. So far, I’m always going through my planner when I’m done with my school or duty work and sort out what I need to do for the evening. This keeps me also from procrastinating and producing below quality output.
New music every week for my player – I don’t know what happened why I stopped listening to my music. Was it school? I’m not sure but I definitely regretted not being up-to-date on with cool tunes. I regretted not taking advantage of the fact that I own a music player and not listen to it. I used to do that while studying, drawing or whenever I go out alone at some random place. It always puts me in a good mood when I listen to Muse, the Kills, Arctic Monkeys, Bloc Party, All American Rejects, the Ting Tings, Gossip, the Raconteurs, the Dresden Dolls… *sigh* And this quote pretty much summarizes what I feel about it and why I need to get back on track with discovering new artists and new songs.
“I hope they realize that music is music, and that music is not a scene, not a style. Music is a beautiful fucking thing to listen to. It is not a thing to fucking preach to others about, it’s not a fucking cause. It is what it is – and that’s a beautiful artform.” -Synyster Gates of A7x.
Blogging – it is the catharsis for me. I don’t like my manner of functioning sometimes and I’m not able in so many ways and I’m neurotic at times. There’s a need to get things out of my chest because there are some days when my teeth are chattering uncontrollably, to ravage someone and stabilize a silent craving. This will serve as a reminder of human errors and my blatant weaknesses and not be consumed by wickedness. Sometimes you stay up to fight your demons and sometimes you revel in the glorious, sloppy warmth of life that seeps in to you in the most unexpected ways. Often I’m too restless (though you can’t see it but my head is buzzing with so many things) and I don’t have a powerful vocabulary to express whatever’s inside me but this will definitely do. This goes hand in hand with my drawings. In short—update as often as possible.